What Do I Do When I Am Supposed To Be Doing Something Else?

I Blog

Today in Obstetrics: How To Abort A Foetus From The Inside Out (PG)

A subcutaneous embrytomy is used to remove a decomposed foetus without sharp bones poking the mum by being covered with the dead foetus'own skin.

Step 1. Pump a dead calf full of air to simulate bacterial decomposition.

Step 2. Stuff calf into artificial cow.

Step 3. Hang on to any of the bits of calf that is poking out of the vagina with ropes and/or chains.

Step 4. Go in with a palm knife and slice the skin open along one leg.

Step 5. Pull the skin away from the leg.

Step 6. Pull the leg away from the body by jerking on it HARD.

Step 7. The same can be done for the other leg.

Step 8. Go in through the hole in the skin with a long sharp hook, and starting from the last rib in front of the chest, dislocate the ribs one by one by (you guessed it) jerking hard.

Step 9. Go in and remove semi-frozen organs like heart, lungs and all other viscera. In a real case the organs would be warm and VERY smelly.

Step 10. Dislocate the hips on both sides by using the metal cutting hook again and (here we go): jerking hard.

Step 11. By this time the calf should be able to be pulled out without much resistance. All with no sharp bones poking out to hurt the mun.

Step 12. Spend the next 10 minutes picking assorted bits of cow like hair, skin and organs off each others overalls.

Step 13. Question self. Do I still want to work with large animals? OF COURSE!!! Gross but true.