hee in tani today, trying to get into the mood again to study sat by playing orisinal, oops. the exam is tmrw! don't know if my prep is enuff, all i know is that i don't have to be so stressed coz i already met the scholarship requirement of 1400 and above. phew! went for lunch with uncle yew huat and evan and lijuan @ serangoon market. found out dat evan also taking course at trinity bible college, cool! things at hm are getting more tense, even though my presence there is not making much of a difference. denise is right. adults are difficult to understand. i know my parents cherish me and everything but making me stay physically at home while they ignore me the whole time i m at home simply doesn't make sense. i don't mind being at home, i understand how much my presence means to them and how much precious little time is left. but when i try to connect with them, all they do is clam up. wat do they really want me to do? sigh. all i have to do now is to convince my parents to get a maid before i go. all the anger and tension at home my be held off long enough if they do. hee gonna meet my drama frens later yay! hey go sign my guestbk, courtesy of sinyi, so nice help me do! had weird dream dat i still remember. hmm, is it a bad thing that i keep dwelling on my dreams? i really dunno. i will always remember the more vivid ones and they never leave me. dreamt dat i was in a cemetary at night with a horde of pple, it was really peaceful, then half the pple disappeared, i didn't know y, so i walked out of the place and found myself in some distorted version of yckc, the church down the road frm aspc. was up in a rm and i couldn't get out cuz of 2 really fierce alsation dogs barking at me and baring their teeth. then this old man came in, opened the door and let me out. when i stepped out straight into a flight of steps, the dogs just quieted down, became really meek and let me pass through. end of dream. weird huh? hee drama pple meeting change, going off now.

wow. this week has certainly been eventful. even as the date when i fly away on a jet plane draws nearer. miracles after miracles have been occuring. my 3rd interview went amazingly well. they say i have been awarded the scholarship, praise the Lord! chairman allowed me to go to a non-listed uni, did not gun me down or make me cry, was not against christianity, allowed me wif not very terrific 3 a levels prelims, was very nice and humourous and only quite obsessed wif mice and what they can do for Singapore. went on about setting up a mouse burger chain and conducting scientific research now all i haf to do is to fill up some forms, sign some legal documents, and do a psychometric test and a medical exam and that is it! woo hoo! a gigantic load off me and my parent's shoulders. hee i m suddenly getting a lot of revelations left right and centre bcoz i tink pple r felling 5 years is a very long time and that they better tell me whatever now or forever hold their peace.= ) some things have served to heighten my otherwise low self-esteem. hee. never felt this way before. but its a very neither here nor there but its a happy problem. things could turn out either way. loads of things can happen in 5 years. but its ok. some information is really nice to know. other information has really made me closer to my brother, as hamy wld say, yeah! i m just wondering how many more revelations will be revealed to me before i leave 4 oz... hmmm...= ) very interesting information even if do say so myself. i think i have accomplished a lot of stuff. almost recovering from a long drawn out flu bug, sick! finishing all the windows in the house in time for cny, just as my dad says we probably won't have any guests over on account of the vast amount of junk they brought over from the old house. sigh. but its ok. it is really cool to have gleaming clean windows. easier to satisfy my voyueristic tendencies and also to satisfy other people's voyueristic tendencies. hee. i tink i get into bouts of cleaning frenzies or something. once i started clearing my room and mopping the entire floor i didn't stop. now i can see 99% of my floor. achievement! yay! now all i have to do is to get into a packing frenzy and everything will be just swell. really looking forward to the predeparture seminars coming up, all the fellow murdoch uni pple i will meet! cool! i tink frens of my frens will be doing the exact same course as me there. how very connected singapore is. i haf been getting into contact with a lot of people who r heading in the same general direction as me perth...those going to curtin and uwa, this is so cool! studying in tani for sat with lijuan and hamy now, hopefully we don't get distracted by warcraft, oops, i think we already did. also helping lijuan with her scholarship application. silly girl, i thought she didn't want to do vet sci anymore and wanted marine bio. haiz. now trying to help her as much as i can b4 i go away for a long long time. ok gtg study sat now. byes! or hamy will eat me. that is a terrible thought.

bleah. throat is burning up. i do not need this now. especially since my interview is drawing nearer and nearer. probably got it from dad. slept 3, count em 3 times today. must have slept the entire day away. going to the doctor later, i hope it helps. its definitely a bacteriological infection from my point of view. i can hardly talk now, it hurts too much to. woke up this morning and was faced by 4, count em, 4, post it notes in strategic places all over the house, placed there by none other than al himself. why you may ask? to remind anybody and everybody to help him charge his phone. why is his phone so important to him? i don't know, maybe he needs to charge it up for the late night chat sessions he's been having with SOMEBODY, i don't know who. he refuses to tell me. argh, haven't started with the windows today, i should really go and start. paul wanted to drop by and practice warcraft elf tactics but the thing is, there was no third party around today for 'preventive security' measures so poor paul had to stay home and do chores instead. hee. although i really don't think that anything would happen even if he did come. there's nothing there in the first place! hard for me to believe any guy would be physically attracted to me in the first place. futhermore, i can kickbox, heh heh. just like the ym guys lah, they have christian values nothing can take away from them, that is why i really trust them, even when no one else is looking. the big problem today was, everybody was either at work or school. so... now having cravings for anything salty, miso soup, campbell's chunky stuff, cheese, omigoodness. just like what weixin says, i must be tired. but how can i be from all the sleep i have been having? o well. better to store up and deposit sleep now than to have a sleep deficit when i start studying over there. but then again, i will really absolutely most enjoy what i will be studying on oz. now denise and paul want to visit me there during the hols, but they don't have enough money! i suggested that they take a long slow boat to oz. but i know the real reason why they want to visit me. the cheap billabong, ocean pacific stuff and the even cheaper duty free alcohol. they could all possibly squeeze a bit and bunk in with me there at the student village...but what i really want to do if they come is to go for outward bound oz with them. it will be so super cool! skydiving and everything! but i did promise my folks that i wouldn't do anything extreme. but the thing is, my definition of extreme is more liberal than their's. hee. ok maybe no skydiving and bungee jumping but i will defintely go roller coasting yeah! i shall go recover from my sore throat now. = )

cry. the striving to live for Christ is a hard one. and sometimes i am my own worst enemy in the process. just when i thought that i could control my tongue, that was my downfall, again. pride, the mother of all downfalls. = ( it hurts me, when i hurt other pple unknowingly. the sleep deprivation and window cleaner fumes haven't been helping either. another bad thing is, i may have caused other christians to stumble. it makes me feel like a hypocrite. this is not good. but then again, no human can be completely infallible. but the thing is, when i shine a light for my Saviour, i want to reflect Him, and in order to do that i have to die to myself and my human ways. all i can do is to make peace with everybody involved, including God,pick myself back up and keep trying again. the walk is a hard, if not almost impossible one, all one can do is to keep trying to be sinless, and sin less.i could not do anything, but i want to please my Father in heaven, if only to thank Him for saving me by grace. i haven't been myself for a long long time. brain frying...some jekyll and hyde thing. or maybe both at the same time. going to have a busy busy week. i haf windows to clean to keep my family sane, stuff to pack for oz, things to settle wif my jc, an interview wif the CHAIRMAN, omigoodness, worship to prepare for on saturday, and i want to do my best for the Lord, a bbq to settle on sunday...whoa. and i am supposed to be jobless now. yesterday's young adults cell, now otherwise called yacell, sounds like a telco, was interesting. but it was also hard for me to get into the swing of things. some things were a bit profound, but that's good coz i have always wanted to get a deeper understanding of the Bible and of God. this intuitive bible study thing is really new to me, i never thought that it could be done that way. i learn a new thing everyday. a lot of pple r trying to get a piece of me before i go. especially those who r closest to me, my family. i should try to bond with them as much as i can, but its hard when its one-sided. on my side. i really don't know what they want me to do. stay at home and...? i don't see how that will cure their empty nest syndrome. it doesn't make any sense to me. i just hope that i will be able to get sponsorship so my parents can hire a maid. the family will be a lot happier then but i won't be around to finally enjoy a loving family. y must things material be more important than things immaterial in my family? = ( i would rather have nothing but my family's love and happiness, hired help would be a big step forward. going to go out with hamy now. fun! = ) to just stone and hang around together.

still dreaming about my campers. this is good? not good? i haf no idea. y am i so attached to the kids? i usually haf pre-emptive dreams abt big stuff, usually not post-operative ones. this is weird. or maybe bcoz my sleep cycle has been wacked upside down by the camp, sleeping at 3am and waking up at 6am is defintiely not enuff 4 me, but the kids make it all worth it. o yes and also the bedtime crap sessions wif ed and paul too. u noe some pple listen to bedtime stories b4 they sleep? i listen to bedtime crap, courtesy of the both of them. = ) they needed a female perspective on some problem. but then again i dun feel that i tink like the average female, o well. = ) being sleep deprived is not a good thing when i haf had to go for medicals left right and centre juz to get my student visa approved. especially when a neorological exam is involved. u cannot imagine how hard it is to touch your finger to the doc's finger and then back to ur nose again as fast as u can when u feel slightly inebrieted from the lack of sleep. felt quite stupid the past few days too. cant even get the year correct when filling in the forms. i tink the doc will put down that i m of below average intelligence...= ) i wonder if oz will accept dumb pple like me. = ) feeling like i haf 2 do a lot but cant do much. not with "camp lag". finished cleaning a minute fraction of all the windows i haf to do. my desk is still a molehill of stuff, easily fixed even if i do say so myself. my hamster cages r not washed yet even though they died like more than a mth ago? oops. i havent started studying 4 the SAT and sandra says she got 1600 the 3rd time. WOW. and most importantly, i havent started packing for oz, but wat i wan 2 bring is already in my head, all i haf to do is juz translate that into reality. getting semi-stressed, seeing the days pass by b4 my eyes. the days are drawing nearer to when my life will change in a very (drastic?) (huge?) (dramatic?) way? o well it will just change. i hope 4 the better.

just came back and recovered (aka pengded) from an orientation camp for sec ones. it was a great experience for me with very big ups but also i feel some very big downs that could have been avoided on my part. sigh, i miss my kids already. their exuberance and perpetual inexhaustion when there's fun to be had really makes up for all the naughty things they did. as this was my first camp for a company, my inexperience really showed. bui i have learnt. if they ever want me for another camp, i promise i will better myself and not feel so regretful about certain things that i may or may not have done. but all in all, it was really rewarding to have eddie paul and denise say that i looked like i had the most fun with my kids. it was a great challenge to be put in charge of a class with a very short attention span and i felt that i could have been more strict. it didn't help that my partner lost his voice by the second day and was stoning by the third although he really contributed a lot the 1st day. thanks chewee! the kids even made up a cheer for us, i was so touched i could have cried. = ) it more than made up for all the heartache i had to go through the past 3 days. then after the 3 day 'pregnancy' , i finally 'gave birth' to the kids after the camp and am now feeling kid withdrawal symptoms...if i could i would do it all over again! but in a different way. haf to go wash my shoes now. they were wet and muddy the whole 3 days. u can just imagine the smell now...= )

happy happy very happy new year! now feeling sleepy sleepy, but the watchnite service really made me think about the whole 2002 in a different light. God was with me all the way! He never left me alone to cope with the immense pressures of the A levels, juz when i thot i had to mug alone, tadaa! along came an assortment of pple to form the support gp known affectionately as MUGGERS ANONYMOUS! there were pple i've known for a long long time like denise and darryl! pple i haven't really known like adeline!and ppl i havent known b4 like paul and jon! there were full time muggers like me! and part time muggers like evan and rachel! wat was even more amazing was that everybody had their own pet subjects and we managed to utilise that to the fullest. everybody became a consultant in thier own right. juz when i thot there would b nowhere peaceful to mug, tani was ready! kudos to aunt susan who put up wif all our nonsense while we were studying and sneaking in games of warcraft at the same time...= ) hey i can finally see my floor! its a miracle! finally got down to clearing the last phase of my room after i got back frm claustraphobic robinsons frm shopping trip wif mum and aunt wee nee. (walking atms hee) saw nice stuff @ U2, but they didn't have my size! again. o well. i tink i nid to sleep and get ready for tmrws camp. my first ever one as instructor! wow. I wan to do my best! for auld lang syne...= )